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Morning Mantra Tres

Mantra Mutt hovering and wearing a Santa hat

Change is hard. It takes time. A lot of time.

For Forty-some years, I've punished myself to grow. That is, I put myself down. I called myself names in hopes to create a better me. Some could call it tough love, but that's a misnomer. There's no love here after participating in this pattern of behavior for forty plus years. I may have started out being critical of myself to protect young Chris from ridicule or public failure with a loving intention, but now it's an expectation. So in my mind, I'm a pathetic creature no longer worthy of my own love.

Therefore, it comes at no surprise that these Mantras aren't working. I've failed. Why bother? Once again, my pattern of self-degradation continues. The mantras haven't changed me in two months, so I must be hopeless? Well, forty plus years is greater than two months. Lasting change will take time.

Forgetting my current behavior, if we look at other examples we see that nothing happens as quickly as we think it will. Were you in band? Can you play the guitar? So a week of lessons and you were ready to play during the high school football game or joining a group making platinum records, right? Look at our jobs or parenting, compare today to the first day ever in the role? You know a lot more now. You're experienced, but that didn't happen overnight.

Now, more than ever, I need a reminder that I need patience. Thus, Morning Mantra Tres is a reminder to keep going. Everything that has led me to today was required. It was not good or bad, it just was. That's the acceptance I was working on last month. This isn't easy work. It will take time. I need to stay in the moment, and not get lost in a future where it hasn't worked. I also need to avoid getting lost in the past, wishing I had done things differently. Let's remind ourselves why we're doing this and live with intent.

Remember if this guided meditation-style thing doesn't work, you can try writing out the mantra in a journal. Dr. Nathaniel Branden found that sentence completion exercises worked well at changing behavior for his patients.

If you'd like to download the Morning Mantra instead of coming to this page each morning, right click the following and save it to your device:

Morning Mantra Tres

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Much <3.

Morning Mantra Dos

The text of Morning Mantra Dos and a drawing of a meditating dog

Perfectionism is a burden I carry. It comes from this overwhelming feeling that I am not enough. In Radical Acceptance: Awakening the Love That Heals Fear and Shame, Tara Brach writes "Imperfection is not our personal problem--it is a natural part of existing." The need to constantly be better may seem like a positive goal, but Brach goes on to say, "Staying occupied is a socially sanctioned way of remaining distant from our pain."

I'm not saying that we should stop trying to improve, but in order to progress we need to take stock of our situation. We need to accept it. This can be a difficult task. To avoid our own suffering we might blame others or believe the world is against us. We may deny that anything is wrong and try to move on and make changes without really understanding what's wrong in the first place. Thus, we fall back into the same destructive patterns.

For example, forgiveness of ourselves or others cannot happen until we accept the situation. I haven't had steady work for a number of years. I am ashamed to admit that. I feel like a loser. I get caught up in this story of shame, anger, and feeling sorry for myself every time I think about it. Applying for jobs is often not done to make changes in my life, but to punish myself for being a loser. I do it to make myself feel worse. I simply haven't accepted where I am.

Therefore, I'm terrified of more failures. I want everything to be perfect. In Self-Compassion Dr. Kristin Neff shared the following:

When you can trust that failure will be greeted with understanding rather than judgment, it no longer becomes the boogeyman lurking in the closet. Instead, failure can be recognized as the master teacher it is.

Remember if this guided meditation-style thing doesn't work, you can try writing out the mantra in a journal. Dr. Nathaniel Branden found that sentence completion exercises worked well at changing behavior for his patients.

If you'd like to download the Morning Mantra instead of coming to this page each morning, right click the following and save it to your device: Morning Mantra Dos.

Much💜